I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
