I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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