We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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