I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
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fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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