forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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