Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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