Where is the hickey?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
