Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
