8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
