he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
