We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
