Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
