I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
