using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize