she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
