I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i now understand why vodka
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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