I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
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I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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