He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Randomize
