....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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