I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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