the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
