What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you inspire me to be a worse person
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm like, not good at living.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
