do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
