quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
