So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
