OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just gargled with NyQuil
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
