Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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