It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
third nipple confirmed
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
