I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
