Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
