She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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