things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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