oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
