Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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