goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
