I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
