I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
