so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
