it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
