She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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