the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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