beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
