My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
