I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
