What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
