We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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