u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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