My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
