pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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