DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
