You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
