Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Randomize
