I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
