I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
