A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
