I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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