So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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