im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize