I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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