Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
