We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
