Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
