Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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