Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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