I didn't shave. On purpose
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
is it fun? or sober?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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