she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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