That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
As shirtless as possible
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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