tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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