so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
