im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
