idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
