That's when you crack a 10am beer
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
