I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
