Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
