im six kinds of drunk right now
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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