don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
