You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
