I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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