I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
