Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
