i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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