been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
