i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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