the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
