My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
