Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
