it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
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He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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